Queer Flagging 101: Ways to use the Hanky Code to Signal the Intercourse You need to Have | Autostraddle

You are sipping your too-sweet and too-strong cranberry cocktail and you look behind your arms and you also see all of them. They truly are tilting contrary to the bar counter, This toprated black colored boots shining, sides tilted, a red bandana hanging out of their right wallet. They have a whiskey in addition they try looking in your own direction. You will find their own vision registering that person subsequently taking a trip downwards, their particular look lingering about reddish handkerchief collapsed square and cool within torn denim jeans, within left back pocket. They saunter over grinning at both you and its causing you to smile nervously and expectantly. They get close and tip their mind while inquiring that sweet, age-old question: “are you presently flagging?”

And you’re not totally certain whatever they’re making reference to. Well, i am here to simply help.

What is flagging?

Flagging, and/or hanky signal, has existed for a while, some state considering that the gold-rush. It became popular from inside the seventies when gay males made use of handkerchiefs using pockets to symbolize intimate functions these people were interested in giving/receiving — frequently in public places parks or restrooms or around the town.

I am not a history expert and I also’m simply planning reveal: before going and stuff a navy handkerchief down your back wallet, you should try to have a look at our very own history a little bit. There are folks who have already discussing this plus in increased detail and with more idea than i am able to muster — take a look at
this short article on flagging history
and
this film anthology
“combining 25 short pants from different queer directors globally, each telling an account based on a color/fetish associated with notorious hanky code.” I can not fully reveal exactly how crucial it really is to own nonverbal strategies to talk all of our sexuality, our very own sex, the kinks. In a society — particularly in the ’70s, but even now — the spot where the intercourse we want is actually criminalized or thought about more “perverted” compared to the sex cisgender heterosexuals are doing, a handkerchief in straight back pocket is a peaceful option to flaunt our very own intimate deviancy in a world that does not want to see it.

Ever since the 1970s, the hanky code has become obtained from folks all over the sex spectrum. Some queer people femme banner — utilizing nail color in place of handkerchiefs. It’s still about and also much live and used by all sorts of folks, but hopefully never by cis direct people! Leave the handkerchiefs alone, dammit! You currently have undercuts and then harnesses; let me bare this.

Having said that, a number of the functions which are part of the historic hanky signal aren’t great — absolutely some which happen to be racist at the worst or tokenizing at the best, and so I think it really is reasonable to critique the signal. I additionally think possibly for one thing to be great also to end up being challenging simultaneously.

Im everything about that life. Its ways to browse around the club and see just who might be upwards for many NSFW enjoyable. It began because, along with my personal sincere view should remain, a cruising instrument. This means ways to represent you are interested in everyday intercourse or a certain kind of gender. I am not here to police you dressed in a handkerchief out as a talking point or since you are trying to signal to your spouse you desire a certain variety of sex following the club, but additionally there’s an excuse there is not a flag for platonic speaking. Or cuddling. Or veganism – as
Chingy, an excellent flagging specialist
, features discussed. It really is for sex. That is the point.

How-to Flag

Flagging actually a means to avoid consent. I’m such as that is going without saying but i’m saying it anyhow!

You can flag! practically simply take a handkerchief of your tone choosing and place it in your pocket! I have seen all of them folded, wrinkled, ironed, I have seen all of them covered in oil and even some which were covered in “love fruit juice”

(this is me personally trying to perhaps not say the word come/cum).

YDY.

Put the handkerchief into the right back proper pocket in the event your into
receiving/bottoming
that sexual work, and left for
giving/topping
. Some people will connect a handkerchief around their neck to represent
changing
/into either receiving or offering the intimate act. It really is that simple!

When someone provides a hanky within wallet, there’s a good chance they’ve been as a result of speak about it. Incorporate wise practice whenever initiating a conversation. Whenever approaching individuals with hankies in their pouches, an immediate talk is best suited. You can only ask, “are you presently flagging?” or “really does that purple handkerchief mean everything I believe it indicates?” Both have the discussion heading, set up person is intentionally flagging.

So What Can We Flag?

There really is no limitation right here;
there is a shade for every sexual act
. Flagging is fantastic since it takes away many stress and concentration of intimate acts, like some thing does not will have become BIG and SIGNIFICANT or completed with a substantial different. Not that hookups cannot be large and meaningful often! But also, pee on a stranger. Never overthink what feels very good. Absolutely hundreds of more potential flagging possibilities than these, but listed here is some of my preferences to indicate and go over. And even though this signal has been around for decades doesn’t mean a few of the tones aren’t upwards for explanation. Actually within the given “meaning” of a certain color, there can still be a reasonably great deal of possible tasks it can signal — flagging is not an alternative for a discussion by what especially both you and another flagging person tend to be or aren’t into doing in that second, it can signal that you’re into checking that conversation as a whole.

Red: Fisting

Red is a CLASSIC hanky color! I think the thing I love about flagging reddish would be that it will take the stress off fisting become something psychological and intensive. Fisting tends to be in the same way informal as any intimate act. You are able to fist/be fisted anally or vaginally. Fisting is actually a gender-neutral act! If you are scared of anal fisting you don’t have to be! Butts tend to be wild(ly awesome).

Grey: Thraldom

It is bondage, generally meaning mild slavery — think some rope, a blindfold, foot cuffs, getting presented down! Wearing the handkerchief within right side indicates tie me down along with your own remaining wallet means allow me to connect you down.

Dark: Heavy S&M

There is a lot more pain, a lot more power than when flagging gray, any such thing from more challenging effect play, spoken teasing, spanking, bruising, being held or tied down such that’s a level upwards from just thraldom.

Lightweight Pink: Dildo Enjoy

A hanky throughout the remaining indicates you’re usually the one wearing the model and a hanky regarding the right suggests you are the only the doll is made use of upon. Personally desire flag this for not simply dildos but ALL sorts of toys, such as utilizing a vibrator or even the Njoy wand during sex.

Dark Pink: Tit Torture

That is correct, the color regarding the tone additionally does matter with regards to the hanky code. Dark green is actually fun as it implies tit torturer/tit torturee. I realize this as something from pinching and slapping to breast clamps, breast suctions, breast piercing, or knife use the chest area. This is certainly a good hanky to importance that even with this rule, you need to speak objectives and expectations.

Green: Some Things….

I wanted to include eco-friendly since it implies a couple of different things all across the distinct hustler/looking to get with regards to the difference of green (hunter green, perfect, kelly environmentally friendly, etc). Basically it means Daddy/Looking for a dad/Mommi hunter/looking for a mommy/etc. Irrespective, eco-friendly suggests some form of purchase, and I feel that if you don’t’re a sex individual or trying employ a sex individual for the night, you ought to be conscious of sporting this shade. Flagging is very much indeed linked with stigmatized/criminalized sex, and therefore contains sex work/sex employees, and honestly if you do not respect and understand that then don’t put a hanky within pocket.

Yellow: Piss Enjoy

Who willnot want for pissed on or piss on a friend in a casual environment!

Orange: Down For Any Such Thing

Down. For. Any Such Thing. ANY SUCH THING. Why restrict your self! If used within the remaining pocket, it symbolizes you are ready to lead the scene and put on from the correct implies you’re down for regardless of the various other person(s) are considering.

Light Velvet: Voyeur

White velvet is among the most lavish tone! What this means is you’ll probably be cruising in a sex dance club for a tv series, that you like to look at other people participate in sex or pleasure themselves. Worn throughout the right indicates you should placed on a show. This might be an enjoyable thing to flag any kind of time type of orgy setting!

Navy Blue: Penetrator

Ahhhhh lovely and common dark blue! Just DTF! Vintage giver and receiver with regards to penetration!

Coral: Foot Stuff

Worn as a high, red coral methods ‘suck my toes,’ a base leading! Used as a bottom it means ‘let me personally lick your own feet.’ Coral could be interpreted as more than simply mouth-on-foot activity. Place a toe (or toes) in an orifice!

Beige: Rim Opportunities

Beige is actually rim tasks which like, yes plz, but also reasonable to always take with you
dental dams
.

In which we flag often means different things. People flag beyond designated-cruising rooms as well as in their own day-to-day. Queerness does not have any bodily characteristics therefore we
produce our own signs
to find both. Flagging changed, too; there is discussions of who was simply left out of flagging, which kinks and sexualities were not provided and how to shift it so those who wish take part can. I think this is exactly an incredibly valid conversation getting, but perhaps with limitations which happen to be conscious on the source of flagging. An individual would like to flag for relationship in case you really be flagging after all?

We are in a shift, in which we no more must travel in parks after midnight might turn-to programs therefore the net to greatly help find those that have similar passions. However, In my opinion there’s something suffering and charming about flagging, about locating each other within the real life.